What To Do When Grandparents Visitation Rights Are Denied?

One of the harshest lessons in life is when you realize that the good guys don’t always win. You can be on the right side of an issue – ethically, morally and socially, and still lose a legal battle. Your grandparents‘visitation rights are truly at the mercy of the courts. Even if you have a proven, talented attorney, can demonstrate “proof of love“ with an endless supply of photographs, video recordings, emails, letters or other documents, you may not get grandparents‘ visitation rights.

The 2000 Supreme Court ruling in Troxel v. Granville leaves much of the legal issues surrounding grandparents‘rights to the states. It also puts some limitations on the states as far as what they must demonstrate in order to grant grandparents‘visitation rights when it goes against the wishes of parents. Some states are more favorable than others, but the bottom line is that sometimes you will simply lose your case – even when you shouldn’t – because the law doesn’t support you.
So, what do you do when your grandparents ‘visitation rights are denied? In some ways, your hands are much tied. Still, there are ways to keep in touch with your grandchildren, in spite of the court’s ruling:

Make use of the Internet

Some grandparents are more tech-savvy than others, but the fact is that your grandkids are very likely to have a strong Internet presence. Today, that presence goes way beyond just email. You may be able to keep track of your grandchildren via Facebook or other social media sites. Even if you can’t directly visit the child, you may be able to watch them grow and interact with them in this kind of virtual environment. There will be a learning curve for some grandparents, but keeping in touch with your grandchildren is worth it.

Engage in social groups and activities involving your grandchildren. Your grandchildren’s parents may not want you to have grandparents‘visitation rights, but they can’t keep you from attending a soccer game or going to a school play. Churches and other community organizations provide public social opportunities as well, so if your grandchildren participate in those organizations consider joining them as well.

Ask

Some grandparents may feel like it’s the end of the line when the court declares that they don’t have grandparents‘visitation rights. But, just because the court didn’t grant you rights doesn’t usually mean you’re forbidden from visiting your grandchildren. It does mean that you’re at the mercy of the parents. It won’t be pleasant, especially after a legal battle, but it’s worth making the case to the parents on a personal level. You may find that they’ll be willing to allow some visitation, especially when they know they’ve won the court situation.

But, what do you do when you’ve tried everything and still have zero visitations? You can still have an impact your grandchild’s life. Here are some ways to make a difference, even if you can’t physically be present:

Create a legacy

Even if you’re completely kept from your grandchildren, you can still pass on a legacy. Consider recording a series of video recordings for your grandchildren. Perhaps you could have another family member participate in an interview-style fashion, or simply recall stories from your life. Your grandchildren can greatly benefit from your experience and your wisdom, even if they aren’t able to benefit from your physical presence because of their parents.

Recruit help

Chances are that there are some other folks out there who are still involved with your grandchildren in some capacity. Talk to them. Pump them for information. Ask for pictures. Don’t do anything illegal, of course, but find someone who’s at least sympathetic to your cause and ask them to help you maintain a connection, if an indirect one.

Grieve and then get busy

They’re called Grand Children for a reason. Having them torn from your life is no less painful than tearing your heart from your chest. Take the time you need to grieve what could have been…what should have been. But don’t mourn for too long, as there is much work to do. They are your grandchildren – Grand Children – and they are not given a voice.

Having your grandparents visitation rights denied is devastating; what you do as a result of it will determine whether your grandchildren, your great-grandchildren and your great-great-grandchildren – your legacy – remember you or not.